reach for the scalpel

I was just browing Getty Images, as you do & came accross this 'Hannah Spearitt' at the OK! Magazine's VIP Christmas Karaoke Party (LOL, v. clazzy stuff as you can imagine), but SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME this is NOT the same Hannah Spearitt from S Club 7! Is it?! I am so confused. WTF.This is going to annoy me forever & thus it is imperative that I find out. If it is, then it's hilarious. If it's not then, well, it should be.In other important news. I've re-discovered red cinnamon chewing gum! YES. Amazing!

i don't have an advent calendar. i buy myself a piece of clothing everyday instead.

I bought another collar (from C&A, no less) today. I found 2 (5) ways to wear it (hence really crafty look), but the second er, would only be so practical if I were a poorly labrador. Of course I will not be donning it over a low-cut pink Primark top. Fashion fow-par or wot. But it has persuaded me to go on a hunt for a Little-White-Fur-Riding-Hood type garment which will undoubtedly never appear in my greedy greedy mittens. Sigh.I also picked up (oh, here we go) a red beret but promptly returned it after waddling a few metres from the shop & discovering on peeping into bag that it had magically turned a horrendous shade of red. So off I go & purchase a knitted MUSTARD YELLOW bobble-hat instead. It sounds revolting, but it's really an incredible headpiece in disguise (at least, I think so) & it's even better when I wiggle my head around. Eitherhow, I already look like the secret spawn of a jolly Father Christmas with my red coat & christmas earrings (my mum makes all the girls wear these frightful creations - see: flashing wreaths, dancing snowmen, jingling bells etc - Mark Darcy & his Reindeer jumper have nothing on me). It's MORE than tragic & it's like if you don't wear them you'll get coal in your stocking. I recall one particularly sorrowful christmas when my dad actually put coal in my stocking as a joke (along with some onions). I was absolutely distraught. 1991 was bad year for me. Let's hope 2006 is kinder & gives me lots of moneys and jobs.On a completely unrelated note, is it just me or has Little Britain just gotten, um, crap? I'm SURE it used to be good! Wasn't it? Wasn't it even a LITTLE BIT good at one point? Or was it the mere fact that people constantly bantering on about it being 'SO GREAT' tricked me into believing so? Have I been living a lie? There are only 1 or 2 watchable characters & even they get tiring. Ah well. Ab Fab 4eva!!

bandwagon shenanigan

It's the anonymous bashing post that we all know & love. I'm a bit slow. But since I haven't met a lot of my "friend's list", I'm truly curious as to how I come accross on this here LiveJournal. And why I am even on your friend's list in the first instance. Tell me anonymously what you really think. IP logging has been turned off & comments will be automatically screened. Go!

hi, it's me again

Recent Obsessions & Endeavors include;- Jasper Goodall- French Toast (all I ended up with was a messy kitchen and some soggy bread?! I blame the French). Stick to regular toast, I say.- Overusing the 'oops'. I have broken 3 coffee mugs in the space of a week. A WEEK. & am tiring of replying to questions concerning ominous bruises with 'mm, dunno' (for i honestly do not know). Zero Balance + Zero Coordination = Bruise City. I wish I was more of a sensible-shoes kinda gal...- Growing out my eyebrows. There is a current presence of unattractive strips of stubble slap-bang on my forehead after my sister decided it would be a SPECTACULAR (exclamation mark) idea to pluck them for me. I did not care to witness sister's own, which were, lo & behold, non-existant.- Australia's Next Top Model (after having finished France & America). They are ALL munting, arrogant trollops. Fantastic.- Reading a lot. Namely, Victorian Ghost Stories. Ah, the days of spotty faces, leggings, dirty blonde hair & Goosebumps. I'm sure I was the only girl who actually read Point Horror rather than Point Romance. ROMANCE! Get a lyfe, it's all about blood & bad hair.- Re-writing/translating my CV (which is currently in french, er, so NOT useful right now).).- Accompanying Mother to view houses. The pink atrocity has finally been sold! Hip hip hooray.

hi, it's me again

Recent Obsessions & Endeavors include;- Jasper Goodall- French Toast (all I ended up with was a messy kitchen and some soggy bread?! I blame the French). Stick to regular toast, I say.- Overusing the 'oops'. I have broken 3 coffee mugs in the space of a week. A WEEK. & am tiring of replying to questions concerning ominous bruises with 'mm, dunno' (for i honestly do not know). Zero Balance + Zero Coordination = Bruise City. I wish I was more of a sensible-shoes kinda gal...- Growing out my eyebrows. There is a current presence of unattractive strips of stubble slap-bang on my forehead after my sister decided it would be a SPECTACULAR (exclamation mark) idea to pluck them for me. I did not care to witness sister's own, which were, lo & behold, non-existant.- Australia's Next Top Model (after having finished France & America). They are ALL munting, arrogant trollops. Fantastic.- Reading a lot. Namely, Victorian Ghost Stories. Ah, the days of spotty faces, leggings, dirty blonde hair & Goosebumps. I'm sure I was the only girl who actually read Point Horror rather than Point Romance. ROMANCE! Get a lyfe, it's all about blood & bad hair.- Re-writing/translating my CV (which is currently in french, er, so NOT useful right now).).- Accompanying Mother to view houses. The pink atrocity has finally been sold! Hip hip hooray.

moche comme une coche

Jeeze Louise, traveldisaster.com. Last night was spent in Paris, alone, in the bathtub of an overpriced hotel (photo of my room, not taken by me. note cringe-tastic matching curtains and bedspread, eww). I was only meant to stop in Paris for an hour but getting from South of the city to the North by METRO with a colossal amount of baggage in such a short space of time was not going to happen was it now? Nay. I missed my train by 5 minutes, gutted. I had just spent my last euro on an Iced Tea & had no money w-h-a-t-s-o-e-v-e-r to even phone my Mum (my mobile was out of credit). Luckily this chap saw my sadface and offered to pay for a call to the parentals to tell them that I had no dosh & was stuck in Paris with no trains home until the next day. I think they be used to these phonecalls now. Phonebooth chap offered to pay for my room in a hotel, I thought.. Wow. How nice of him ("you ehr good gerl, oui. I tek you to hotel", reminded me a bit of Bhorat of Ali G fame, except he was a Parisian & not from Kasachstan). Of course he meant a room with him in it as well. After a good hour of listening to him garble on while sat on my suitcase, I finally escaped his slimy grasp by running (or, hobbling as fast as my blistered feets would take me) towards the most expensive-looking hotel I could see (he was all about the B&B, cheap bastard) & phew, a nice place for Emily to spend the night on father's visa, with a delightful breakfast of croissants & pain au chocolat brought to my chamber this morning by a merry little Japanese man who came up to my knees.I'm unsure if I can explain why I ended up back here, square -1, but I am battered, aching & thirsty like a camel (I don't know, are camels thirsty?). I've never experienced thirst like that before. Lugging my belongings & dumping them at the entrance of a small pub before crawling to the bar and ordering 4 glasses of water one after the other & downing them like vodka after a breakup. I would be pissing for England (or France? Belgium? I like to think the English wee a lot more than the French though) soon enough. But ANYHOW. Hoorah, for I now have lemsip and broadband AND ENGLISH TELEVISION. I've been watching The O.C, 24 & Sex & the City in french for 2 months, comical. Such relief now the audio matches the visual.Other events include going on another date with Nicolas, the bus stop boy (I met him at the bus stop, don't you know. All v. romantic). Sebastien met him & I think he got along better with Nicolas than I did. Then it was decided that I was in love with Sebastien because I have never been in love and I must be missing out. It wasn't really as great as people make it out to be. I am over him now. Oh, I constructed myself a room in a shed in the back garden I was So Proud of my DIY craftiness, but the almighty Gods LITERALLY rained on my parade the other morning when I woke up & my bed was floating in the flood water! Oh whoops, sister forgot to tell me my hut is not flood-proof & I should not play with plug sockets in water just after I got electrocuted when trying to rescue my laptop. I should have invested in some common sense, really. & in OTHER news (gosh, I'm on a roll now) I have sent my applications off for cabin crew with Virgin Atlantic & ANA Airways, I'm not sure yet if I want them to like me. I am still desperate to go back to university but I have a whole year in between to find something to keep me occupied. Air hostessing, it sounds so tacky and last resort, much like all those chavtastic 'beauty' courses but it was a whimsical idea founded by visions of 5-star hotels, parties in Rio & shagging rich mens. I realise this is not always the case & articles in Marie Claire aren't the best of sourced. But. How good would it be if that's what the job entailed?WHAT TO DO. Well, for now I go yonder to sit in front of television box & when I emerge I will be entirely unimpressed if my eyes are still eye-shaped & I do not look like I have a history of heroin addiction.

+one is the loneliest number

1 i bought 4 pairs of shoes for a fiver each. jubilation.2 the rents have gone away (panic, panic!) & this is the only food i can manage to conjur up. i'm quite proud of myself for managing to hardboil those eggs. i really am the most ridiculously crap cook, you see. when i'm older i'm going to get my own house husband & i shall call him geoffrey. or jeeves. or margaret.3 clad in tan lines & spa. i haven't drunk alcohol for over a week (have i mentioned this already? i've been v. good i'll have you know), and wow, that photo looks nuthink like me. hi!other than that, we've been having bbq's almost every night. nobody's back in brussels yet, so i've been very lonely, lying on the floor weeping and flailing my arms about (if yr reading this, can you plz hurry up & bring me gifts of vodka and er, frankincense (frankincense=dried tree sap, ho ho, i didn't know that. ok sod the frankincense then)). what's more, next week is rock werchter and I'M NOT GOING. my bruther is.(werchter is a music festival). i cackled a little when i saw the images of a flooded glastonbury. but that's between you & me.um, i really would like to end this entry on a happy note. somewhat tempted to make a really bad pun & whip out my xylophone or something, but that would just be AWFUL. did you know that mosquitos have 47 teeth?

To add to Want-To-Mutilate-With-Blunt-Machete List:

- DICK & DOM (those Ant & Dec wannabes that have somehow managed to escape from an asylum)- ANGELICA from CBeebies (annoying trollop that likes to cackle a lot before Neighbours)- SERENA & LYNN from Neighbours (to be continued...)

cor, fancy you

This week: Ricky Gervais & Louis Theroux.

that is your daddy-OH NO

tomorrow i'm going into Bruxelles to buy me some clothes instead of an Easter Egg (hahah, no, im 20, really i am) even though she's already bought me loads of chocolate like every good mother should. i discovered this doll in my room today & the bizarre thing is, i found it after i curled my hair and got dressed. creepy. i actually had really bad nightmares after watching Child's Play, so this doesn't really leave me feeling comforted. And whilst on the subject... http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1327504.html?menu=news.quirkies

house party #3

aren't my flatmates handsome?yesterday morning i had the most amazing greasy breakfast at Pellicci's before going charity shopping in hackney. and then on my way back, i ate the most amazing piece of carrot cake the size of my head in brick lane. then i made chicken fajitas and ate those too. but despite eating like a fucking pig all day, i still managed to get OFFMYFACE after a few sips of whiskey from a pink Barbie cup at the party last night. i hate that. and ei, omg what's with Barbie dumping Ken?! You can't have Barbie and Blaine. it's so wrong. alright, i'll get over it. last night i made friends with a flock of french men. Jean Claude, Jean Pierre and Jean Paul. obviously i didn't know their real names because when you've had a few, names don't matter. and apparently, looks don't either. how is it that i live in Belgium and the only french people i meet are when i'm in London? they were fun.after a while, some girl got really bitchy with me about something or other and someone else spilt wine all over my white skirt. i wasn't really feeling the love. i actually felt like puking. which i did quite gloriously on my adventure back home.me and soph ":D"sally is looking rather frightened.i think they're from essexsoph & sathayley dunnome (drrrunk hair) and a french boy.another french boy. i think i snogged him.. :S sorry mate.i feel rough.

I am going to...

I am going to Yorkshire.

NME gig @ brixton academy

Here we have Sophie, my flatmate, looking like she's just seen Chris Moyles naked, and me, looking like something out of Jurassic Park at the NME gig on Wednesday night. I am oh-so really bored of The Killers but it was a lot of fun. Some bastard kids tried to start a mosh pit, it was a pathetic attempt but I still left with blood all over my shirt from the girl in front of me. Yeuch. It's also very unfortunate that Special Needs were at Death Disco the same night, and the next time they're playing is in Plymouth - WTF?! Plymouth? Something completely irrelevant: I find it really funny that I will refuse to go anywhere near Burger King or McDonalds nowadays, yet it's perfectly fine for me to eat scummy kebabs and throw up everywhere afterwards. I have to brush my teefs everytime I think of that kebab & have been left mildly traumatised by the whole event.Anyway. Here is another photo of my Ooh. I can't think of anything else to write.

To m...

To my left sits a young boy watching lesbian porn videos and to my right, an old man singing along to Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing. Today i dyed my hair. I now bear a slight resemblance to the delightful Vicky Pollard. I want to die.

farm animals

There’s a farm in the centre of London. A REAL farm, with goats and pigs and donkeys and ducks and rabbits and farmery-looking people and everything. You can even adopt one of the beasts if you like. Who knew?Er, in other exciting news, I’m going to see THE KILLERS (+the futureheads + bloc barty) on February 9. And hopefully a trip to Brighton in February is in order - Sal's idea because I've never been and apparently I'm not cool if I have't been to Brighton. tmdphekt, would you, um, like to be tour guide (aka, chauffeur for lazy bastard) for the day? Mmm? It'll be fun, I promise! Right now I'm sat in the library during our lunch break like a geek, because I secretly hate my course mates and I'd rather have my tongue hacked off and set on fire than be subject to the drivel coming from the gobs of those cretinous bastards for an hour at the student coffee bar. In fact.. I think I might print off my lecture notes and go on a shopping trip instead. First stop: Bank. 'Please exend my overdraft'.

& 20 years later

As if standing next to Colin Firth for 17 seconds wasn't good enough, last night I met up with Dean ____dean. He's really quite tall. I was meant to be going to death disco to see Special Needs (who are awesome BTW) but I somehow ended up at a dEUS gig with him, Jim poplife and their friends because they kindly gave me a spare ticket. Jim kept looking at me with very odd expressions on his face, but he bought me a pineapple at the end of the night which was great because I secretly really enjoy them.Anyway, on tuesday (MY BIRTHDAY), I got back home from shopping & found that my flatmates had put squillions and babillions of balloons and candles and ribbons and sparkly things all around the flat. They made me a cake and started singing happy birthday as I came into the room. I am REALLY bad at surprises and I actually almost cried. I am such a sap... but I honestly didnt expect it at all. Afterwards we graced white heat with our presence, along with steve and a girl called Emma (I had to borrow Sophie's friends for a night, I am that much of a goose). It was the best 20th birthday I've ever had.Today I have come over all Christmas-y.

ooooh

these are CAKES, wowwowoo the restdon't you wish you could bake cakes like those. i wouldn't be able to eat them, i'd just have to marvel at them forever.

phone of dreams

LOOK WHAT I FOUND at the back of my cupboard.It's gr8, who needs mobile phones when you gots a Dream Phone? You have to call up lots of munting boys and they give you clues [e.g "he doesn't wear a hat".. cos thats always helpful], until you figure out which one fancies you. When you think you know who it is, you phone him up and he goes "YOU'RE RIGHT!! I REALLY LIKE YOU!", then you can go "HURRAH"... and rest in peace, safe in the knowledge that a guy likes you, even if he is only the computerised voice of a goose-faced scally named George who likes playing golf, and whose favourite food is 'ice-cream'. Pahaha, I love how they get pissed off at you when you keep redialling their number. "I TOLD YOU ALREADY! IT'S NOT ME!'.I was obviously a very disturbed and lonely child, for me to have asked for this game.